Waiting

Waiting for the flight, everything seems to be in order, just need to do some final packing and thow away things I do not need. Think there will be a lot of stuff I don't need, also need some locks and make sure my bags are within the weight limits. Hope the weather is nice upon my arrival. And the rest will go smoothly getting a new house. Been meeting a few women before I leave, but don't think I will keep in contact with them, since I don't plan on coming back to India.

New Records for DOW

Thursday's DOW hit a new record of 13105.50, and analysts are expecting over 14,000 by year end. Microsoft reports after the bell and reaches a new high of over $30 a share. What a jump in the Chinese search engine Baidu.com shooting up over %25 in after market trading. It is just too hot on Wall St. at the moment. Will there be market correction? Is it the right time to sell? Some serious look at valuation must be done on my portfolio as to determine which positions will hold and which to sell. But this is all part of the financial game, I will defiantly meet with some of my institutional investor friends who play millions of dollars a day for their companies when I get into the city. All things are looking up for my return as I have now sourced out a couple of places to live in the most affluent areas of the city, at very affordable rates. So just counting the hours till I am back into Western Society and on with the rest of my life.

Dow 13000

Dow has hit a new record of 13,000 which is amazing considering the dollar valuation of the USD. This is a great time to be in the game in the US, will have to see how long this rally will hold up, as the Dow has been positive 16 out of 19 days. All seems positive for the US markets as most companies are reporting excellent earnings on their European and Asian divisions of operations, since they are growing in market share at extraordinary rate in those markets. Many of the analysts are not comfortable with the volatility of the emerging markets, since there is no proper valuation of the stock prices on those booming companies there.
I will have to do some serious research upon my arrival at home as to where my money should be invested since the recent rally of the markets.

Final Days

Final days have arrived and will be leaving India for good, and do not wish to return for any reason. Will be meeting my sponsor and real estate agent at the air port, then to be followed by final formalities of deposit for a new condo downtown. This place is in an awesome location right off Bay St, in the heart of the financial district next to all the major bank towers. Also I will be right in front of City Hall where all the politicians gather. Will be next to all the NA/AA meetings in the heart of the city which is nice, hope to make some good friendships in the fellowships. Also am looking at landing a part time job in City Hall or some 5 star hotel. Also have looked at various internet providers and have decided on getting the new DRY DSL services that have been recently introduced into the Canadian markets. Will go pure VOIP as my current VOIP provider must have not received payment for over 6 months and i'm sure service to my US number has been canceled. So will be a big step starting all over again, but I am confident that I will forge new relationships and friendships which will guide me in the right direction. Since my belief in my higher power providing me with GOD (good orderly direction) will help me succeed.

Business

Well just wrapping up few contacts I have made here in India, and will keep in touch with them in the future, who knows where business will lead me. I am very keen on checking out the India Franchise show at the Grand Ashok Hotel in Bangalore this weekend the 21st and 22nd, it's all free. And I would definitely like to see what franchise opportunities are available to Indians. Also would like to see which US/UK franchisers are offering their business's to Indian's. So hopefully I will get a chance to check it out. All in all have been making headway finding a place to live upon arrival, and the few people I still do know are being helpful. So just can't wait for D Day, am getting very excited. Hope mum has a safe flight home. God bless.

Visits from Mum

Been spending time with Mum over the past week, we have been getting alot of things sorted out with my passport and departure ticket. Seems like everything is in order except for all the stolen missing items from my residence which I had been living @. But I know these lazy bastard cops here will never find my property or investigate the individuals who lived in the house with me which is sad. Finally I will be back in western society where in crazy things like this will never happen to me. Very glad that my mum has sorted out all the mess up and my life will now move on after almost 4 years of hell. Keeping hope in my higher power to help me achieve success in my life.

Anxiously Waiting

Today mum will come visit me, as she had called yesterday and said she was in town. So I am hoping things go well and we can finally come to some sort of understanding after many years of mess up. She is currently at Vijay's house which i found odd, since they have never met. But I will be glad to also see Vijay if he choses to come, which I am pretty sure he will. I would most definitely like to get on with my life and try to fulfill many of the goals I had set in place while in Goa going over my goal planning with our UK counselor. I will have to strategically plan the steps I will need to take to foresee my goals complete. I will use the help of my higher power to assist me day to day in conceiving my future.

Good News

Yesterday got a surprising call from my Mum in Canada who said she was on the next flight out tomorrow to come to India. It came to me as a big surprise since I had not been expecting it. So I am keeping positive that I will be heading home with her also or least to get my belongings to relocate myself and establish my life. So the arrival date will be sometime on the 9th, hope she has a safe flight and we have a joyous meeting. Last night was quite disturbed as I couldn't get proper sleep being eaten alive by millions of mosquitoes since we didn't get any mosquito coil. So i think all of us have been affected last night whoever was in the room, we all look groggy today.

Neil's Scary Experience

yesterday was a really scary experience for me as i had got a panic attack. it was the first time it happened to me so i was very scared in the rehab. the people here immediately rushed me to the hospital and the doctors put me on drips. i was discharged after some time and came back to the rehab centre. i got really scared and thought that i was going to pop it,die.i am happy to be back .

Back from Chennai

Yesterday we left early in the morning to pick up someone from Chennai. Some real mad protesters along the way as trucks blocked up the road we were taking to prove some kind of point supporting their communist party regime. Finally arrived into town and had a hard time meeting up with the family as we did not know directions in the new city. But finally we managed to get ourselves organized and surprise the patient by just coming in the house and dragging him out. Funny as the guy said he is relieved that he is coming in for treatment as he did not know how to stop his drinking. Had a good chat with the chap on the way back to Bangalore and found out he is a software engineer who had worked in Sana Clara, California. So we had plenty to talk about on the way back. We took a new route back to avoid the striking truck drivers, and got back in record time. Over all was a good day and quite nice seeing the scenic country side. Also great seeing the SEZ zones set up for industries where big companies are now employing Indians. The infrastructure is great in Chennai, where you can see the new rail system almost ready to be used and traffic is 10times easier to flow in than Bangalore.

Cooking

So we have been cooking breakfast today and made nice porridge which was thick and sweet. Hope everyone likes it! We are planning to make a nice Dal for lunch with beetroot sabji and rice. So for the next few days all the meals will be cooked by us new amateurs as we shall be experimenting in the kitchen. We are all learning a lot about different spices and preparation techniques. So over all we are enjoying spending time at the back and in the office as well.

Cooking

Today I cooked Lemon Rice for everyone this morning, and it turned out great. I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen learning to cook and prepare items. I would like to learn how to make roti's which i hope to learn soon. Ultimately I would like to learn Punjabi cooking which I hope to do so soon if I have the proper ingredients. Things have been really positive and I have been helping others post their comments online.

Neil's Art

Well i'm back in Bangalore at CAIM doing my recovery, and trying to implement the program to the best of my ability. This is my second treatment and this time i think i have acquired a spiritual awakening. I feel quite different now since i have come here if i may add. This place has taught me a lot of things,i know where i stand today and have also accepted myself as an addict and have accepted powerlessness. Day by day i have been feeling more motivated to know more about the program and i am receiving help from a lot of people who are older than me and also from the people who are my age. Everybody is very helpful , friendly and cooperative here.

The picture which you can see has been drawn by me. Well for the first time i have drawn on the computer. Not so good i know but i tried. I am basically a fine art student and i like to sing and rap and i also play the guitar and like to act and socialize with people. I love listening to music.

Recovery Hope

We have been giving hope to people here in Bangalore, that AA/NA meetings are great on the outside and you meet awesome people. We are also encouraging people to be positive that they will also get a chance to stay in Goa. It is disturbing to see people in such depression of being locked up for such a long time and not seeing the outside world. But I am confident that I can give them positivity and hope about their future if they choose to stay clean on the outside. Have been learning alot about spices and cooking techniques for Indian cooking which will help me in the future. I have been reading alot and keeping my mind active and positive.

Shetty's Goa Experience

Out in Goa! "THE" place for drugs and alcohol during my addiction... But I am having great fun, having a blast and man I am clean. It's unbelievable watching the sunset, doing yoga & meeting new friends. Been to AA and NA meetings sharing my experience... listening to their experience. New experiences & different ways of being harassed and affected by drugs & alcohol like i had been. Eating Goan food & other styles, but today savor it for what it only is & not for what it feels like with my substance. I went shopping with a lot of money near & around the place for grocery items and cleaning items. I was close to bars & drug pushers, but i don't need to goto them. I am having great fun anyways without it. Thats only pleasure for sometime & then a completely messed up head & guaranteed misery all over again & I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Elrich's Goa Experience

So from CAIM in Bangalore I had a visit to my home house. I stayed there for 15 days with my pals Ami and Vikhram Shetty. The weather was good, much more easier to handle life and sobriety. We all went to NA/AA meetings and shared all our secrets and emotions. It was pleasant, it was peaceful, because in the meetings everyone is so kind everyone feels free to talk for a long time so its nice to hear them speak. Jai also shares a lot, he is 25 years sober. Then at home we cook our own food like omelet and pulao or fish, curry rice. We make our own tea. This is secondary treatment given to us, for those who are very much improving and firm with their sobriety. Also we get counseling from counselors from the UK, who take a one hour class and then also a one to one counseling for those who need it. After that we go roaming with Jai in his car around Goa and return back home and clean up the house and wash clothes. Theres a lot of freedom in secondary treatment as well as love, togetherness and care. Thanks a lot for allowing me to share.

Back in Bangalore

We are back to Bangalore, and I am discussing my life with my family. Looks like the next step for me is a half-way h0use. Hope all that was discussed with Carol and Tom will reflect on a positive outcome. I am trying to be positive about my life and be headed in line with my goals and dreams of life. Vikhram and Elrich are also back and are learning new skills, along with myself I am learning cooking. Hope to see things bright with Vijay and my father.

Goa Recovery

We have been having good sessions here in recovery in Goa. We have had some counselling from UK based counsellors which has been great. I have been able to express my feelings honestly with someone who is impartial of the treatment centre which has been a great relief. Also my counsellor feels I am ready to start intergrating into society which is a great relief. Since I would not like to be in primary rehab for such a long time as I have been in the past. I would like to see myself working and coming back to the treatment centre in the nights, which i hope will happen soon. All in all it has been great inteacting with people who have a different perspective of NA/AA fellowship from the UK.

GOD

God to me means Good Orderly Direction, Group of Drunks, Group of Disfunctionals, basically my understanding of GOD is doing the Good things in life, and a higher power will protect you and look over you guiding you in the proper direction. I know once I started acting positive, positive people came into my life.

Goa Monday

Had a good day today, met someone new from Denmark yesterday, we met her early this morning and she came over to the house and taught us Yoga. We also picked up a patient from Bangalore who had escaped the other day and was just arriving in Goa. All in all was a good day relaxed and cooked some food for everyone. Went for a swim and looking forward to a nice dinner this evening. My emotions were very much under control and was in the postive for the day.

Goa Saturday

Today was great, started the day going to the market in Margoa to hire some labours to do some garden and house cleaning, think we found some good workers. Spent lunch with a local goan who was also new to the fellowship and is 1month clean, he showed us around town and showed us all these great land properties ready for development for 5star resorts. Also went back to his family's hotel which they own showed us the night club he had there which is closed now, and this evening we are spending back on the beach and just relaxing. All in all its been great and I thank god and my higher power for this opourtunity.

Goa Friday's

Today was a great day, started off by perparing breakfast for everyone in the house, then ran out to town to get some supplys for the labourers. Got back to the house and finished of breakfast, hope everyone enjoyed it. Then started off cleaning the floors and the bathroom, I had worked may jobs in my life, but had never put my heart into work. Today cleaning the floors I could see my heart was in it, sweating and labouring in the heat of Goa. Left the house after taking a bath by noon or so and headed to a town called Mapusa, were we had a great lunch in a funny place called Stomach! I was really ammused at the name of the restaurant, quite to the point! Afterwards we went to the Friday market in Mapusa which was awesome, we got deals lik you wouldn't believe! Outfits for like 100RS. Afterwards went to a small beach called Ashwin I believe which is filled with Russians. Then rushed back to Calungute to make an NA meeting, were we all had awesome sharings and spent time at the Coffee Day getting closer to eachother. All in all was a great day, and I thank my higher power for the opourtunity.
God bless

Benaulim Beach

Beautiful Benaulim Beach is where we are spending time now, it is in south Goa, where there is not as much crowd. It has been relaxing and now we are constantly busy with the new house that was aqquired. We are getting the place ready as it has been years since someone has lived in it. Cleaning, and swabbing and removing years of spider webs has been a real task in the heat of Goa. Slowly but surely the work is getting done. Have met some great people from UK at the AA meetings and everyday am trying to meet somebody new. I tried my had at cooking this morning making breakfast for everybody in the house. I hope they enjoyed it. This is like an experience of getting my own place and getting it ready to live in. I am greatful to my higher power for giving me this opourtunity.

Beach Hut

Life in the beach hut is nice, very realxing and peaceful. But one thing I know now is I cannot live with children! I have no tolleance for kids who thow sand at you and get on your nerves. I have spent time realxing and getting a tan in the sun. When swimming in the ocean for the first time in my life, but don't really like salt water (yuck). Been meeting people from all over europe and managed to meet a guy who is staying in the same hut area who is from Montreal which is really cool. Nice being away from substance and still able to enjoy life and meet new people. Wishing everyone in the world a happy holi and may god be with you.

SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTNMENT

When we come to the program we are like birds without wings. We loose all our sense of sanity. We are completely void of a spiritual life. It is something we cannot figure out , but there is a solution . When we come into treatment we first recover physically and then we start to gain some amount of Spiritual confidence, but gradually.
May be it is inevitable that we cannot change our mental state of mind, but we can change our self into good living by following the path of 'Spirituality' .
Recovery opens new windows into a life more than getting high or drunk. We begin to enjoy small things, which previously did not even give value to. Spirituality is the way out and the only way, if we take it seriously we can achieve 'Spiritual Enlightenment' .

Positive Energy

What an awesome day today, started off early with a Yoga class for beginners, which was amazing, got very relaxed and got in touch with my inner being and left the class with great positive energy! We then spent the day on the beach had nice lunch and tanned in the beautiful sun here in Goa. Just got in touch with nature and myself reading a book and relaxing. Got to a meeting for 6pm which was in a small town where there arent any active members attending. Got to share with the few people in the room which felt good. Ending up the evening at Cafe Coffee Day just chatting with other members and looking forward to a new day tomorrow.

Yoga

Today we had a great beginner yoga class here in GOA. It was so relaxing and quite a workout sweating doing stretches and breathing teqniques on the mat. We left the session feeling calm and energized with positive vibes. This is our first go at Yoga and we plan on taking more classes in the following week. For all those who have not tried Yoga yet I would highly recommend it! We now are practicing the good things in life vs our old mentality of negative. This has been a great experience for me and my friend meeting lots of forigners from all over Europe and UK here in India. Many people have bought houses here and settle here for 6months out of the year. And now I can see why they do! Its been awesome and hope my higher power keeps this positivity alive in me.

Just for Today

Anxiety Attack
"the power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow it"
Ever had a panic attack?Everywhere we turn ,life demands overwhelm us .We're paralyzed.and we don't know what to do about it .How do we break an anxiety attack.
First we stop.We can't deal with everything at once , so we stop for a moment to let things settle.Then we take a spot 'inventory' of the things that are bothering us .In most cases we'll find that most of our fears and concerns don't need immediate attention .
Then we stop asking ourselves "whose in control here anyway"?.This helps remind us that our higher power is still in control.We can do this in any number of ways :through prayer.talks with our sponsor or NA friends , or by attending meetings and asking others to share their experiences.
Anxiety attacks need not paralyze us.We can utilize the resources of the NA program to deal with any thing that comes our way.

JUST FOR TODAY:
Mu higher power has not brought me all this way in recovery only to abandon me!When anxiety strikes,I will take specific steps to seek god's continuing care and guidance.

Three Dimensonal Aspect of Our Disease

We have a very complicated disease which consist of three aspects :-
MENTAL
PHYSICAL
SPIRITUAL

Why do we say so ?

Mentally we loose our sanity and our thinking completely goes haywire.We cannot balance our thoughts,feelings and emotions.We develop a great mental obsession with alcohol and our substance of choice , our head can think of nothing else but our choice of addiction . We spend vast amounts of time on this great obsession through which we loose everything and gain nothing.So at the end of it all we become "INSANE".This is something that has been a great problem to us addicts ,we do not have good thinking.

Physically we deteriorate completely . We become weak , our body looses it's capacity to withstand the amount of alcohol or drug's we consume and our body comes to a complete standstill and we have a complete break down . It affects our Central Nervous System(CNS).
We loose weight , Start to develop tremors , Develop immense body pain , Withdrawal symptoms without getting high , Hallucinations , the list goes on and on till we have a total collapse of our physical system which can be fatal.

Spiritually we become bankrupt . We loose our spirituality completely . We here call it "spiritual bankruptcy".We stop to fulfill our responsibilities as a father,brother,son etc. We completely go against ours and societies moral values and believes.

This is the three dimensional aspect of our our disease from the point of view of a recovering addict.

twenty fours hours a day

Thought for the day -
When we came into A.A ,we came to believe in a power greater than ourselves.We came to believe in that Divine Principle in the universe which we called god,and to whom we can turn for help.We ask god for power to stay sober for the next twenty-four hours.And each night we thank him to help us keep sober.
Meditation for the day-
I should pray for faith as a thirsty person prays for water in a desert . Do i know what it meant to feel sure that god will never fail me? I should pray daily and i am sure that i still breath?There is nothing lacking in my life to know it .I am like rich person's child who sits in rags when all around me are stores of all I could desire.
Prayer for the day-
I pray for the realization that god has everything I need .I pray that I may know His power is always available.

One day at a time

Here in recovery we have learn't to take one day at a time,It works.
Our programme teaches us that we have to take one day at a time and that we have got to live only for today and that we should not bother about the future . This is something ,I as an addict have learnt .This is helping me to live a better life in my recovery .

just for today

REMORSE
"the eighth step offers a big chance from a life dominated by guilt and remorse"

Remorse was one of the feelings that kept us using.We had stumbled our way to active addiction,leaving a trail of heartbreak and devastation too painful to consider.We feel we can go ahead and repair the damage we had caused,there was no way to make it right.
We begin the eighth step by actually making a list of all persons we had harmed.We own our part in our painful past.
But the eight step does not ask us to make right all of our mistakes,merely to become willing to make amends to all those people.
Remorse is no longer an instrument we use to torture ourselves . Remorse has become a tool we can use to achieve self-forgiveness.

emotions

Our pro gramme teaches us that we do not have control over our emotions .Our emotions keep going in the odd directions.Our mind thinks of something and then our emotions come in and make all our thoughts go haywire.Then this leads us to get frustrated,angry,guilty.

Just for Today

"Personality change was what we really needed. Change from self-destructive patterns of life became necessary." Basic Text, p.15

This statement is really applicable in my life, since my life had been on the wrong path and required a change. I've had many bad associations in my life in the past and this time of reflexion helps me understand why I did certain things in the past. I just hope I can amend certain relationships from the past with those who cared and had "my" best interest at heart. I would like to focus my life back on the right path and establish myself in life being able to be an independent person who will become successful so I can show my family and friends once and for all that I am a capable human being.

Just For Today

"Though our inability to accept personal responsibilities, we were actually creating our own problems." Basic Text, p.13

When we refuse to take responsibility for our lives, we give away all of our personal power. We need to remember that we are powerless over our addiction, not our personal behavior.
Many of us have misused the concept of powerlessness to avoid making decisions or to hold onto things we had outgrown. We have blamed others for our circumstances rather than taking positive action to change those circumstances. If we continue to avoid responsibility by claiming that we
are "powerless", we set ourselves up for the same despair and misery we experienced in our active addiction.The potential for spending our recovery years feeling like victims is very real .
Instead of living our lives by default, we can learn how to make responsible choices and take
risk. We may make mistakes,but we can learn from these mistakes. A heightened awareness of ourselves and an increased willingness to accept personal responsibility gives us the freedom to change, to make choices, and to grow.

Just for today: My feelings, actions, and choices are mine I will accept responsibility for them.

Just For Today

"Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program." Basic Text, pg 76.

Today's quote is very applicable to my life today, since I had a relapse and had reservations in my program. I was only doing the program for my family's sake not taking into account my own life. I was only trying to please people around me and didn't think about my own happiness. I now believe that the program must be done for me and not for anyone else. I now understand this, only came to light for me in the past 24hrs or so. Only thought rigorous counselling and speaking to those who have lived a longer life of recovery have I been able to make a decision to take the program for "ME" and not for anyone else. I hope to now apply what I have learned in the past 19months of treatment, to application of real life. Hope my higher power is on my side and will assist me in living a happy life of recovery. I forsee my future in my dreams it's now time to live it in reality and not live a fantasy life.

Art of Living

Today we have the opportunity to take the art of living course here in the treatment center. This is a great chance for us to learn how to control our emotions and learn proper meditation and breathing techniques. I am very excited at this chance since I have been told by loved ones to take the course. I have been a volunteer at the 25th year celebrations at Jakku AirField, but did not attend the course personally. I have great problems with dealing with my emotions on a daily basis. Since being off chemical addictions I have been on a roller coaster of emotions from Anger to Depression, to slight moments of happiness. I hope leaning the techniques thought by Guru Gi's instructors will benefit me in my life. I hope to live a life more stable than before, since my life has been a crazy movie until now. Hopefully through the help of my higher power I can stabilize my life and fulfill my dreams of a bright future.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my guardian/sponsor and the head of the treatment center where I was grilled about my recovery and where my life is headed. I was very stout on not changing, but now I realize that people here are trying to direct me in a positive way of life, VS my old habits of self destructive nature of living which I had in the past. I had a good conversation with my father the other day, after a very long time. This was probably the most I would have spoken to my dad in 20+yrs. But I still have great emotions when speaking to my family since I have never really spoken to them when I had lived with them, was always abusing some chemical or the other. I just hope they can see my dreams and understand where I wish to be in life. I understand in my life that everything happens for a reason, just that I can't see this at times when my mind is clouded. But I can see there are people who have been brought into my life here in India who "care". Not like the users I had as so called friends/associates in the past. I just hope to be back into society soon, my plan is to settle in Japan, yet my family doesn't agree. I feel my life should be back under my control soon, where I am able to make my own decisions without my family cribbing.

Just for today

"as long as i take it easy and make a commitment with my higher power to do the best i can , i know i will be taken care of today"

Many of us feel that our fundamental commitment in recovery is to our Higher Power.Knowing that we can't stay clean and find recovery on our own.We make a commitment to live in the care of the higher power and in return , our Higher Power guides us.
This partnership is vital to staying clean .Our part in this partnership is to do the best we can each day . We promise to do the best we can-not to fake it.In fulfilling our part of the recovery partnership ,we experience the Higher Power has provided us.

PsychoSocial

Psycho Social Living...

Denial

Denial is cause root to get out of our addiction. DENIAL (Don't Even kNow I'Am Lieing to myself). We addicts are in constant DENIAL as to our disease and our addictions. If we keep getting into DENIAL we will never get out of our addiction and constantly fall into the dangerous trap. Once we get out of DENIAL everything in our addiction will become clearer. And thus we must arrest our DENIAL and accept our defects and disease.

Three Stages Of Denial

Introduction
Recovery from chemical dependency has a number of predictable barriers that are common to most people who seek it. These barriers are part of a well developed, highly organized and very sophisticated alibi system more commonly called the denial system. Denial is defined two different ways by most experts in the substance abuse field. Discerning the differences between the two is paramount in working effectively with people in treatment. For illustration purposes lets call the two types of denial Type A and Type B. Type A denial is when a person sees, understands, and knows that they have a definite problem. When confronted about the problem they flat out deny it, knowing that it is true. This type of denial is outright dishonesty or lying. Type B denial is when a person is either partially or totally blind to a problem that they have. Through a hundred forms of self-deception, rationalization, justification and excuse making, a person can actually believe that they do not have a problem, when everyone around them sees this it is obvious. This type of denial comes from being honestly dishonest or by blindness. The type of denial we will deal with in this test is Type B, honestly being dishonest. I can remember years ago when I was confronted about my own drinking problem by loved ones, close friends, and my employer. I was destroyed, not at the thought of being an alcoholic, but by their accusations. My reaction was shock, denial and indignation. I would have passed a lie detector test if I were asked if there was a drinking problem in my life. I honestly believed that it wasn't true, and that I was being totally misunderstood. Obviously my denial was based on being honestly dishonest, not on being a liar. Some time later after I hit my bottom and entered recovery I remember asking myself, "How could I have been so blind?". This type of denial doesn't automatically disappear once the person sees and accepts being chemically dependent. It almost always emerges again with a new and more improved look, It's like Ivory Snow with the new packaging that say "New and Improved". It's really the same old soap with a new ingredient added to it so it can be marketed as a new and improved product. What we are dealing with is a whole denial system, not just denial of a particular problem. It is also important to understand that denial can be on both an intellectual and spiritual level. It is common to sec a person who intellectually accepts being alcoholic but doesn't believe it in his innermost sell. This is the person who constantly relapses, much to the amazement of themselves and everyone around them. Intellectual denial is usually based on lack of understanding, differences in semantics or in definition. A good example is the person who thinks an alcoholic is a degenerate who lives on skid row. He is always panhandling and drinks cheap wine. Anyone who still works, supports a family, pays the bills, and lives in a nice house couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. Here we have a clear problem in definition. A further example is the young executive who drives a BMW, lives in a nice condo and holds a good job with a nationally known electronics firm. He uses $200 worth of cocaine weekly and denies having a problem. He can't pay his bills; he loses his friends, and is always borrowing money. His definition of a drug addict is a person who sticks a needle in his arm every day. Spiritual denial is even more difficult to deal with because it is so hard to see. This level of denial will lock a person into compliance blocking any possibility for ongoing sobriety. The process of internalizing a new truth is more fully explained in the chapter of the three-headed dragon, head number three. One of the major goals in the treatment of chemical dependency is in help you through compliance (intellectually agreeing that the problem exists) to acceptance (coming to believe it in the heart). This dynamic is a process not an event. Even in the most ideal conditions it will sometimes take months before acceptance is fully rooted in the innermost self. This is why it is absolutely essential for attendance in at least 90 support meetings in the first 90 days after treatment is completed. This will add substantial insurance for the proper development of the precious new convictions cultivated in treatment. Denial, in relationship to treatment of chemical dependency, comes in three stages. Each stage has an intellectual and spiritual dimension.
Stage One Denial
Stage one denial is when a person truly does not believe that they have the disease of chemical addiction. They may accept being addicted to a particular drug(s), and still deny having the illness. They also could deny having a problem with drugs in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Another considers themselves to be a drug abuser but not chemically dependent. There are dozens of different ways to express this stage of denial all leading to the same place. The person does not accept the hid that they have an illness, which requires nothing short of total abstinence from all mind altering drugs, including alcohol, for its solution. Overcoming Stage One Denial Overcoming the wrong understanding of chemical dependency is accomplished through proper education. This will only produce intellectual acceptance at best, more commonly known as compliance. Internal acceptance of chemical dependency is a completely different issue. It requires a basic conversion in the belief system, which is in the innermost self (spirit). Internal acceptance is a process, not an event. One cannot come to believe something new in the innermost self by simply willing it to happen. That would be like planting a seed in the ground on Monday and expecting to have an apple tree on Friday. Once the seed has been planted, it needs time to root. It also needs proper nourishment for growth and maturity. This is the same way someone comes to accept being chemically dependent. The seed is planted in the innermost self of the person who admits that they have the problem by their own words. Once planted it is nourished by the continuation of the same process, admitting, (Step One of the AA program. . . We admitted . .). The more one admits to having the condition, the more one conies to believe it in their inner most self, This is expressed by the popular slogan, "You have to give it away to get, and you have to keep giving it away to keep it".
Stage Two Denial
Stage two denial is when a person denies the need for ongoing sobriety support after treatment is completed. It represents denial of being powerless. .lust because you agree to go to meetings after treatment is completed, does not mean that you will do it. It is important to understand that good intentions in treatment do not guarantee program action after discharge. Once out from under the influence of the peer group in treatment, sonic people will go their own way. They will never attend a single support meeting in their home community, unless they have a profound change in their inner perception of both the problem and its corresponding solution. This is sometimes called a spiritual awakening, or a moment of clarity. Good intentions are not enough. The absence of this inner perception keeps the person in the second stage of denial. This problem has to be corrected in the innermost self before arty long-term sobriety can be obtained. The real change takes place in the spirit (innermost self), not in the mind (understanding). This is why many people see the recovery process as spiritual not psychological. It takes place in the Heart not the Head. Overcoming Stage Two Denial Overcoming the second stage of denial requires the successful transference of dependency from self to a greater power outside of self for the maintaining of ongoing sobriety. lf you are depending on your own power to do this, you are in the second stage of denial, This is true regardless of how long you are sober. Many people have painfully discovered this, having relapsed after years of continuous sobriety. The persistence of this denial is astonishing in many who continue to attempt abstinence by themselves in spite of repeated failure. It seems that they are incapable of grasping (lie notion that they are NOT all powerful. This illusion of power is a major barrier to recovery from chemical dependency. Overcoming the second stage of denial requires the successful elimination of this illusion. This is not just an ordinary illusion. It has grown to an obsessional proportion just like the one that used to see alcohol or drugs as the answer to life's problems before it was smashed. The second stage of denial is easily broken by the transference of dependency from self to the sobriety support fellowship. When a person gets exposure to the 12-Step program for instance, they initially do it with a great deal of reluctance. What they usually find before too long is that something very powerful is happening to them. Externally, emotions are charged with positive energy. A feeling of belonging begins to replace the old feelings of guilt and worthlessness. Acceptance is now gradually replacing compliance. Remember, this is a process that is taking place in spite of early resistance, not an event that happens as a result of a decision. Miraculously as a result of exposure, an internal, unseen transference of dependency is taking place in the innermost self. This new found power seen as the fellowship is now taking the place of the illusion of power that used to dominate the person with so many empty promises. The internal development of Ibis transference of dependency from self in the support fellowship takes time. The internal development of this dynamic is called the second step experience by AA/NA members. It results in the "Coming to believe in a power greater than self".
Stage Three Denial
Stage three denial is the denial of the need to he willing to go to any length in the recovery process. It is an indicator that you have other priorities that are just as or more important than the maintenance of sobriety. The commitment to sobriety may be strong. However, the commitment to its maintenance is weak. This condition will usually escalate in one of two directions in time. One direction is to increase commitment and involvement when living problems intensify and the other direction is too eventually withdraw from the program completely, which usually leads to relapse. One does not stay in the third stage of denial for long. It always seems to go one way or the other. Another indicator of the third stage of denial is the rejection of the steps. Total abstinence from alcohol and drugs will produce sobriety. Practicing the living principles in the 12 Steps will produce recovery. Sobriety with no recovery will usually lead to relapse; it is only a matter of time. Overcoming Stage Three Denial The third .stage of denial is dismantled by the constant recommitment to active participation in the recovery support fellowship of your choice. Getting involved is the fastest way to overcome it with activities such as 12-Step meetings, sponsorship, being a secretary or chairperson, having a coffee commitment at a meeting, greeting newcomers, going on 12-Step calls. There are dozens of things one can do to establish a growing commitment to the Recovery Program. The more activity the more you are overcoming the third stage of denial. The less activity the more you are sinking back into the third stage of denial. Overcoming the third stage of denial completely is almost impossible. One should strive for progress in this area not perfection. The proper level of commitment to the program and the principles in it varies widely between different people. The important thing to understand is that each person needs to find his own healthy level of involvement based on his own particular needs.
Conclusion
Denial is tricky stuff. It has many faces and disguises. Its number one symptom is the denial OF its own existence. It keeps good people in everlasting blindness destroying any chance for healthy change. It will fight viciously for its survival all the way to insanity institutionalization and death. It is not threatened by you trying to beat it by yourself, in fact it welcomes it. The last thing it wants is for you to join with others who are dedicated to destroying it.

Twenty-four Hours A Day

AA thought of the day
One drink started a train of thought that became an obsession, we could not stop drinking. We developed a mental compulsion to keep drinking until we got good and drunk. People generally make two mistakes about alcoholism. One mistake is that they can be cured by physical treatment only. The other mistake is that it can be cured by willpower. Most alcoholics have tried both and found it didn't work.

Meditation for the day
I will try to be unruffled, no matter what happens. I will keep my emotions in check. Although others about me are letting theirs go. I'll keep calm in the face of disturbance, keep that deep, inner calm through all the experiences of the day. In the rush of work and worry, the deep, inner silence is necessary to keep me on an even knee. I must learn to take the calm, with me, into the most hurried days.

Prayer for the day
I pray...

Just For Today

Some day's just aren't the way we wish they would be. Our problems maybe simple. Either way we often avoiding our feelings. No one promises us that everything would go our way when we stop using or drinking. In fact we can be sure life will go on whether we using or not. We will face both painful and comfortable feelings. But we don't have to run away from them any longer.

We find that we don't have to use to get out of our problems. We can get through the emotions clean. We learn to trust that we can survive each day.

Just for today : I will demonstrate my trust in god by experiencing the day just as it is.

CAIM Treatment

While you are in the process of choosing a treatment program for your loved one or for yourself you must consider that at CAIM, Bangalore, we practice a comprehensive and holistic recovery program that covers the medical, physiological, Nutritional and social aspects of rehabilitation and recovery .Owing to this multifaceted approach CAIM records a high recovery rate of 70 percentile.

CAIM Recovery & Rehabilitation program includes :

•Medical Aspects of Treatment – Detoxification, Pain minimized withdrawal management and management of other psychiatric complications.
•Nutritional Aspects of Treatment – Deals with Neuro-nutritional loss, which is imperative to reduce drug/alcohol craving and finally deliver recovery .
•Psychological Aspects of Treatment - Dealing with the games the /Alcoholics Addicts play like 'Divide and Rule', 'De focusing', "Blame Gaming,' Tunnel Vision" etc these are personality disorders that require a shift in their aberrant belief system and their priorities which were till now focused on instant gratification from the alcohol/drug . This allows the adoption of a value belief system.
•Social Aspects of Treatment – Caim helps the Alcoholic/Addict to re integrate with the social fabric of his life by dealing with the shame and guilt of his/her wasted years & Low self esteem.

Please contact us for further details. At all times evaluate treatment from the point maximum recovery rate and well being of the addict and the entire family whom this affects.

As bill see's it

"it has often been said of A.A that we are interested only in alcoholism.That is not true .We have to get over drinking in order to stay alive.But anyone who knows that no true alky ever stops drinking permanently without undergoing a profound change"

WE thought "conditions" drove us to drink ,and when we tried to correct these conditions and found out that we could not do so to our entire satasfaction,our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics.It never occured to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were.

Twenty-four hours a day

A.A thought for the day
Ifs alcoholims were just a physical allergy,like astama or hay fever,it would be easier for us,by taking a skin test with alcohol, to find out whether we are alcoholics .But alcoholism is not just a physicall allergy but also a mental allegy or obsession.After we become alcoholics,we start to tolerate alcohol physically for quite some time .Do i realise that since i have become an alcoholic ,I cannot tolerate alcohol mentally at all?

PRAYER FOR THE DAY

I pray that i may be an instrument of the divine power .I pray that i may do my share in remaking the world.

Just For Today

"The last thing we expected was an awakening of the spirit." Basic Text, p48

Few of us came to our first Narcotics Anonymous meeting aching to take a personal inventory or believing that a spiritual void existed in our souls. We had no inkling that we were about to embark on a journey which would awaken our sleeping spirits.

Like a loud alarm clock, the First Step brings us to semiconsciousness-although at this point, we may not be sure whether we want to climb out of bed or maybe sleep for just we apply the Second and Third Steps causes us to stand up, stretch, and yawn. We need to wipe the sleep from our eyes to write the Fourth Step and share our Fifth. But as we work the Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps, we begin noticing spirits sing in the shower as we take the Tenth and Eleventh Steps. And then we practice the Twelfth, leaving the house in search of others to awaken.

We don't have to spend the rest of our lives in a spiritual coma. We may not like to get up in the morning but, once out of bed, we're almost always glad we did.

Just for today: To awaken my sleepy spirit, I will use the Twelve Steps.

We found it worked

Attitude determines the lifestyle of a person and it develops when perception is followed by projection. Positive and negative attitudes are aquired by an individual over a period of time and according to their development human beings fall into three categories:their are those two who imagine and project difficulties in any undertaking even before they start work and end up doing nothing. they are like the car which will not start unless given a push. The second kind are called Prarambh Shura. they are inspired initially, but give up for lack of preseverance. The third are those who become more inspired to execute a job,the more they face challenges and difficulties.
Even if you are successful,negativity in attitude can crop up at any time for unknown reasons.Remember,1, You alone are responsible for your attitude.2. As is your attitude, so are your perceptions, 3. As is your perception, so is your interaction with the world.4. As is the interaction, so is the experience of life and, 5. As is the experience,so is the quality of life.
During camps for children,I often hear this complaint; "Swamiji, before and after an examination, I remember everything but during the examination,I forget things".This happens only because of the attitude problem.People who have negative attitude think and project only negative things and they develop it to such an extent that even a positive thinking person can become a victim of their presence. Such negative people can do nothing and they don't allow anybody else to do anything.
Negative attitude are the result of a weak personality at the physical, emotional and intellectual level. Physical strength can be gained by proper
intake of food,and regular exercise.Some are obsessed with their figure.They torture their bodies. They get cranky and misunderstand anything their parents say.This is a negative attitude,the reason being that when you don't eat properly you think about food. When you do this ,the food has gone to your head. Good health helps us to come out of negativity.
Emotional stamina too is a must. Emotional strength is gained by discovering some altar in life -it could be God, your guru,an idea;surrender yourself at that altar with total involvement and faith. Put logic away because by logic,no problems are solved. By love alone all problem get disolved.
When we apply our faculty of intellect and enquiry in doing a job successfully, it is vital to get things done not "because of all odds' but ' despite all odds' Enquiry into ' how a thing is posible'. One must also remember that life is not about being successfull, it is also the ability to go through both success and failure with grace,In success, we enjoy and from failure we learn.
When we have mastered the art of learning from failures,it leads to success ultimately.This attitude towards failure is a positive one. When these three aspects of your personality are cultivated and developed systematically, you grow and develop Atma balam or inner strength. With inner strength, postivity becomes the foundation of our expression. The Mundaka Upanishad says that the Truth is not revealed to cowards. Success is not for weaklings. When you have physical strength, emotional beauty and intellectual capacity, your attitude becomes positive. With this positive attitude,you jump into the battle of life, and success is bound to happen.


website :justbehappy.org

Daily insights into recovery

Motivation for me came after treatment not before . Because motivation for the things that keep you sober like tolerance , patientce did not even occur to me while i was using or drinking.At that time it was just a over powering desire for abstanance . So i wonder why all the doctors,councellors and social workers i met before coming to treatment insist on motivation.Acutally the type of motivation that comes to than the motivation that comes to stop using or drinking.My drug crazed mind was hell bent on the will power trip which made the tension in me more ,icould not sllep,talk , i was so angry .But after coming into treatment the type of motivation was to learn tolerance,stay calm , not get ruffeld, to talk the truth .Nothing to do with the taking or stoping to take drugs or anything else to do with will power.This made me calm and therefore i could sleep,talk and be myself.

Higher Power

The third steps tells us that a power greater than us could help us be restored to our sanity . We feel that the higher power is the only way out of our deep addictions , thats why with total surrender can we attain soberity .We feel it is a key step in our road to recovery.Giving our selves to the HP will make the steps more simpler and easier .

Daily Reflection

Today is Valentine's day, woke up to find no running water, couldn't take a bath or shower. Kind of sucks being trapped in a country I don't really relate to. Wish I was back in a developed country where resouces are more available and access to proper utilities and hot water. But recovery says that we have got to do things we dont like , so I must deal with the situation I'm in and make the most of it. Besides all this being clean and in recovery is great and hope to see my family soon. I know my life will be good by staying in recovery and keeping clean and sober. Hope all that read this today have a great Valentine's day with some loved ones.

Honesty is best policy

Honesty is the key to our recovery . When we do any thing in recovery we got to be completely honest as the saying goes 'honesty is best policy'.
Only when we take a honest inventory of our selves can we get to the bottom of our problems.Honesty will help us in the road to recovery . And not to forget we have to be honest with our selves to live a sober life.

three monkeys

KEEP IT SIMPLE !!!!!!!!

SERENITY

Serenity is something which has to be experienced not talked about . how do you experience it now ? By practicing the steps at all times , from dawn to dusk with honesty , openmindness and willingness . To do all actions humbly under his grace .Serenity is a process of self-realisation and contentment .

just for today

"as long as the ties that bind us togeather are stronger than those that would tear us apart , all will be well "

Many of us feel that without NA we would surely have died from our disease . We must learn to to respond in a constructive way to the destructive infulences that sometimes arise in our fellowship .
Our personal recovery and growth is contingent upon an atmosphere of recovery in our meetings . We seek to work out our difficulties and to promote common welfare in with our members .
If we bear in mind the strength of the ties that bind us togeather our recovery from active addictin will be well .

Just For Today

Active addiction was never a good time . It kept us locked in bitterness and resentment . Cant deny us the suffering it bought us . We would not wish the disease of addiction to anyone but the fact is that we remain addicts with the disease and without its acceptance we could have never embarked on our spiritual journey .We get in NA what thousands search outside , a sence of purpose , fellowship and contact with the higher power.

Surrender

Surrender may be the most important aspect and our basic foundation of recovery . We all come to realise that it was no use fighting and that it was only surrender that has saved our lives . It is only when we surrender that pain ends and our lives become much better and easier . And that it is much easier to surrender that fight . Only when we surrender can we get some sort of help .

Only once we do this can we start to accept the programme and follow it .

Sharing helps

Going to Al-anon is really great. When i talk all the time nothing new happens , but when i hear others share their problems and experiences i get a better and different perspective at life and our addiction , so solutions come easily . I keep my lips shut and my ears open .

Addicts

How to Become an Addict
If you are an addict, you probably never intended to be one. Rarely does a person wake up in the morning and say to themselves, “Hey, it’s a great day to get addicted to drugs. I think I’ll start now.” You probably started drinking or using mood altering substances during adolescence, maybe early teens. And you probably remember your first drink or first contact with drugs as a really great experience. Future addicts and alcoholics seem to have this reaction in common. We now know that there are genetic differences in alcoholics and addicts that cause them to have this reaction. Many addicts recall that their first use of drugs made them feel “normal” for the very first time.
And teens and adolescents, especially those with problems, are extremely vulnerable. When they find that the use of alcohol or drugs seems to solve their problems, even temporarily, they will repeat that behavior again and again. Mood altering substances can help shy people become outgoing, make a person suffering from mania seem calm, even “appear” to eliminate depression or may make anxiety go away.
Young people who have not developed other coping methods are prone to abuse substances which seem to help. The reason many professionals think we should concentrate our efforts on preventing first use among young people is because it is much easier to teach coping skills and problem solving than it is to battle addiction and alcoholism. Helping teens learn to solve problems without drugs needs to be started early, and reinforced throughout their teenage years.
So how and why does an addict become an addict?
The why is the hardest to answer, because we all react to problems and emotions in different ways; they affect us uniquely. The exact same amount of pain may make one person grit his or her teeth, while the next person will scream in agony. The second person is not weak; they just react to feelings differently. In a society where there are not strong taboos against drugs and alcohol it is easier to get started. The substances are also more available in some places, and a really strong reason is peer pressure. Helping with peer pressure and problems that teenagers have may be the best thing we can do.
As for the “how”, it is usually a progression from one drug to the next. It may begin with coffee and cigarettes, then progress to marijuana or amphetamines. Each one has a stronger effect, at some point it comes down to an imaginary fork in the road.
Science has yet to discover what makes some of us turn left, while around us everyone else is turning right.
J.Heller
______________
Jon Heller is the former Publisher and Developer of SoberRecovery.com, and has been involved with Addictions and the Internet for almost 7 years. Through his company, HellerNetWorks, Jon acts as an Online Consultant for Treatment Centers, returning to his passion for writing and reporting only after a good nights sleep.

Thought for the Day

In the past, we kept right on drinking in spite of all the trouble we got into. We were foolish enough to believe that drinking could still be fun in spite of everything that happened to us. When we came into A.A., we found a lot of people who, like ourselves, had fun with drinking, but who now admitted that liquor had become nothing but trouble for them. And when we found that this thing had happened to a lot of other people besides ourselves, we realized that perhaps we weren't such odd ducks after all. Have I learned to admit that for me drinking has ceased to be fun and has become nothing but trouble?

Meditation for the Day
The life-line, the line of rescue, is the line from the soul to God. On one end of the life-line is our faith and on the other end is God's power. It can be a strong line and no soul can be overwhelmed who is linked to God by it. I will trust in this life-line and never be afraid. God will save me from doing wrong adn freom the care and troubles of life. I will look to God for help and trust Him for aid when I am emotionally upset.

Prayer for the Day
I pray that no lack of trust or fearfulness will make me disloyal to God. I pray that I may keep a strong hold on the life-line of faith. Twenty-Four Hours a Day. Feb9

This is a great saying for today helps us reflect on us not being that much of an odd duck, we can fit into society with our disease.

Just For Today

"When we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionaly, probably for the first time." IP no 19, "Self-Acceptance"

From our earliest memories, many of us felt like we never belonged. No matter how big the gathering, we always felt apart from the crowd. We had a hard time "fitting in." Deep down, we believed that if we really let others get to know us, they would reject us. Perhaps our addiction began to germinate in this climate of self-centerdness.
Many of us hid the pain of our alienation with an attitude of defiance. In effect, we told the world, "You don't need me? Well, I don't need any of you, either. I've got my drugs and I can take care of myself!" The further our addiction progressed, the higher the walls we built around ourselves.
Those walls begin to fall when we start finding acceptance from other recovering addicts. With this acceptance from others, we begin to learn the important principle of self-acceptance. And when we start to accept ourselves, we can allow others to take part in our lives without fear of rejection.

Just for today : I am accepted in NA; I fit in. Today, it's safe to start letting others into my life. Just for Today pg.41

Todays quote helps us think about where we fit in. We are new bloggers and wish to fit into the internet. We would like feedback from other bloggers and sites as to the type of material you would like to see, please comment.

Daily Reflection

Today I'm feeling more positive and stonger. I'm experincing a new life, a life in which i'm no longer dependent on my drugs. I feel physically strong, and mentally I feel more calm. I'm going thru a process of self realization and have become more open to learning new things everyday. I relalize the importance of my family, and the support that they have given me to get me out of the mess which I got myself into. Today my trust has grown more stronger in my family. My faith in god has become very strong and I have always belived that whatever happens, happens for the best.

Steps

• HonestyStep 1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
• HopeStep 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• FaithStep 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
• CourageStep 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
• IntegrityStep 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
• WillingnessStep 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
• HumilityStep 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
• Brotherly LoveStep 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
• JusticeStep 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
• PerserveranceStep 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
• SpiritualityStep 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
• ServiceStep 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
  

Blog feedback

Would like some feedback on the blog we have started, could someone please comment and put some info as if we are on the right path, what type of content would you like to see... We would like some feedback please and would like to see more activity on the site other bloggers to comment.

Just For Today

What is a sponsor? You know: That nice person with whom you had coffee after your first meeting. That generous soul who keeps sharing recovery experience free of charge. The one who keeps reminding you to finish your Fourth Step, who listens to your Fifth Step, and who doesn't tell anyone how weird you are.
It's pretty easy to start taking all this stuff for granted once we're used to someone being there for us. We may run wild for a while and tell ourselves, "I'll call my sponsor later, but right now I have to clean the house, go shopping, chase that attaractive..." And so we end up in trouble, wondering where we went wrong.
Our sponsor can't read minds. It's up to us to reach out and ask for help. Whether we need help with our steps, a reality check to help us straighten out our screwy thinking, or just a friend, it's our job to make the request. Sponsors are warm, wise, wonderful people, and their experience with recovery is ours- all we have to do is ask. Just for Today pg. 40

Roses of Bangalore

For valentines day upcomming Bangalore the largest exporter of roses in India.

Thought of the day

I'm walking in darkness surrounded by limitations of space and time, but even in this darkness I can have faith. I believe that gods power will break thru the darkness. A trusting cry will reach to the divine ears of god.

Just For Today

Recovery is not a test.
Some people say "my higher power is testing me." We may even think this is a test of my faith when we are great pain in our lives. But our higher power doesn't test our recovery, character or faith. If we walk by ourselves our higher power is constantly by our sides.

I will have faith that my higher powers will for me is good. I'll seek my higher powers help in times of need.

Anger

Prayer for the day

I pray that I may take my suffering in my stride. I pray that I may accept pain and defeat as part of God's plan for my spiritual growth.

Meditation for the Day

I belive that all sacrifice and all suffering are of value to me. When I am in pain, I am being tested. Can I trust God, no matter how low I feel? Can I say "Thy will be done," no matter how much I am defeated? If I can, my faith is real and practical. It works in bad times as well as in good times. The Divine Will is working in a way that is beyond my finite mind to understand, but I can still trust in it.

Thought of the day

Drinking cuts you off from God. No matter how you were brought up, no matter what your religion is, no matter if you say you believe in God, nevertheless you build up a wall between you and God by your drinking. You know your're not living the way God wants you to. As a result, you have that terrible remorse. When you come into AA, you begin to get right witht other people and with God. A sober life is a happy life, because by giving up drinking, we've god rid of our loneliness and remorse. Do I have real fellowship with other people and with God?

We need hope in our recovery

trust is a risky proposition,we could not be trusted.
Now that we are in Recovery TRUST is important.

Addiction Tree

Branches of the addiction tree...

Higher Power

I got up early and waiting for the time to be 5:45am as that was the official waking time, followed by morning prayer and exercise. Today I can see that is a miracle because i could never get up on time nor pray or do anything on time. In class when the counseller told me that my answer was not to the point & was still behind on my monkey thinking. I could very easily accept what the counseller told about my defective way of thinking & felt motivated to change myself. The miracle is that today when my defects are pointed out to me i simply accept it without getting angry & do my best to correct myself-today the miracle i can see in my life which is because of the higher power (the group) is that my life is very disciplined. I am able to do everything from morning till night as the program demands without cribbing about shortcomings with the help of god & the group I am becoming more self discipilined.
I was reminding for some time about my broken guitar one day while in the office for some computer work some visitor came & it so happened that he was a music person & immidiatley offered to repair my guitar. I was so thrilled & happy about the way god works. Now I would play some music in my freetime & also teach others. I feel fulfilled because music is very dear to me.

addicts thoughts

I understand the importatance of an inventory when i came to know about my negative personality which helped me to realize my feeling which made me feel lighter and stronger. I never realized the pain I had given my family till i understood the program and felt the guilt and shame of the pain i had given. In the centre i had enough time for myself and my mind was free from the addiction so I had the chance to look at my innerself. Away from my family and new environment I know nobody i slowly learned to trust my fellow addicts and had a lot of trust in god for my recovery.

thoughts from an addict

Knowing about my disease : I got to know of my disease when the counsellor explained it to me in the session and when i look back in the past i could realize the facts which made me confident and comfortable about the same.
Keeping clean : Keeping clean makes us comfortable confident and fresh thoughout the day. Good thoughts come to my mind & hygene is utmost important as a moral value on its own.
Knowing about my defects : Knowing about my defects helps me to overcome it and treat it. I could stay away from making mistakes in those weak areas. I can make myself powerfull in my strong areas & succed
I am responsesible for my recovery : I am not responsible for my disease but i am responsible for my recovery. It is my responsibility to stay away from my substance & in touch with my feelings.

reflections from a recoverying addict

Feeling for the pain i have given : Now after writing about myself and taking a deep inventory i have found out the pain and suffering i have caused at home and to my loved ones.
Thinking positive : Through my recovery i have completely learnt to change my attitude and start thinking really positively.
Accepting my disease : I have accepted that i am born that way and i am powerless over this disease.
I cant do it alone, I need help : I have found out that i cannot fight my battle with addiction, that i need all the help from the people around me. My parents, my sponsor and friends at NA/AA.
My faith in God is growing : Over the past few months my faith and trust in god has grown. Now i believe more in him, because god will show me the way out of the problem

insights

I have been in treatment for 4 months , i have learnt through the programme that i have a disease , the disease of addiction and that with complete surrender of one self to what we here would call higher power is the only way out of the disease . I have transformed from a state of admission to acceptance over the past few months . Due to taking the programme really seriously i have seen for myself a change of my mind from an irratonal one to a calm , level headed one. I have learnt to take each day at a time and making myself stronger both emotionally and spiritually . The programme has thought me to control my emotions and facing situations with a strong head .

Your mind

The progression...

Consequences

"Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this type of thinking." Basic Text, p. 87

Light of Recovery

Come to the light of hope in recovery join us... In the life of recovery! Post your comments here please...

My Relapse

Comments from a recoverying addict on the way I relapsed because I had used half measures which availed me nothing. I traveled around the world not being in contact with my sponser or the program. Going wild out on Alcohol and Sex, my life became totally unmanageable, from being locked up in jail cell to almost making porn flicks. Spending vast amounts of money and spending sleepless nights and days on a crazed fest of trying to live a high life. Not being in contact with the program had brought me back to the gates of hell, nearly loosing my life. Today I am grateful to be back in treatment and have another chance... as spoken by a recovering addict in treatmenent for the 3rd time.

Fried Egg Head

Drugs cook your head like a fried eggs, so watch what you do...

Grip Recovery

Recovery is just one step away so grip it before you loose it all... post your comments...

Emotions

Emotional control is something we lack as addicts we are on a different wave length than the rest of society. Our emotional control has been varied from extreemes lows and highs. Those who are addicts can relate please contribute your thoughts and feelings...

New Logo

visit us on the web at www.caimindia.org and here is a preview of the new logo...